I am insane… and I am happy about it…

Tonight I have reread all the previous posts of mine…
hm….
that scarried me a bit…
seems life passes so quickly…
cause so many changes happened even within the pages of my livejournal…
how could it be I wonder?
how could I happened to change several times since that? (to change the principles,the believes, the trust)…
Is it actually normal to break your principles?
today is the first day of winter…winter??????????
how could it be so fast?
still it is…but that is not a problem…now….
Today I have noticed that my lifejournal resembles a bit the history of disease…really stage after stage…and those stages were so spasmodic and uneven that if to make a graph the polyline will be like that: from the lowest point to the highest and so on..like zigzag…
From the bottom to the heaven-then a great fall even to the worse bottom – than seems stability had cought up with me – and the days of stable depression followed one after another.
Day by day my health was noted for its stable depressing state.
Nothing was changing and i DIDN’T want any changes – seemed I just submited and accepted that my disease just passed on to the chronic stage. I accepted… and seemed found a relief…
I just used to come back home and start feeling sick – spiritually-sick. There was some kind of syndrom – a syndrom of chronical depression… Nobody could see it but me… Nobody could help me but me… But i didn’t want to recover – I was satisfied with everything- as it seemed that time – just on that stage of my disease I stopped rebelling and didn’t mind being stuck into the limp embraces of my illness.
The lifejournal of Insane…indeed…
But I am insane….
and I am happy about it…
cause now my desease has aquired another – quite different stage of development – and I am sure there won’t be any stability any more – but the progressiveness…
so is it winter already?

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